For more than 100 years ferry service to Marin was privately operated and financed. Beginning with John Reed’s little sailboat in the 1820s until 1941, when the last of the Northwestern Pacific (NWP)…
I thought it would get better when all the parts of you were gone. The parts bagged and boxed, discarded and dumped. The stacks of what you thought you needed but never used. The piles of a wasted life.
I thought when the dumpster left with 30 years of you, you’d go with it. I thought sweeping and dusting and washing windows would clean you away.
I thought I’d walk in the door on a warm September day and feel the lightness of clean, the brightness of gone, the rightness of done.
But the energy was the same. No, the energy, your energy, was worse. The sparkling house felt dark and dank and deeply depressed. You remained. When all else was gone, you stayed.
Stuck like the life you lived. Stuck like I was for too long. Stuck like a house lost in time. Your soul stranded between worlds. Unable to leave. Held down by the crap you collected, now gone. But, you aren’t. I feel you in every corner. Oppressively sad. Your soul breathes but I can’t.
No one will want this, to be here. I can’t sell a house where you reside as a shadow of sad and sick and selfish.
She enters before me, smudge sticks in hand. Sage smoke curls through filtered sun. He’s here. She says what I know. He doesn’t know how to leave. Neither did I for so very long.
She wanders from room to room, chanting words I can’t understand. Negative ions evaporate around her.
Suddenly, I can breathe.
He’s gone, she says softly.
I smile as a tear falls.
© Dennett 2021
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